so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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