There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
