well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have feelings that need drinking.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
