Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
soo... how was my night?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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