Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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