im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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