So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
did you just send me my own nude
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
