Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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