I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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