no, he came in my armpit
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
