I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So squirting runs in the family.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
