Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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