So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
