Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
