I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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