Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
