There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
