So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
