ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You smell like a Billy Joel song
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
