Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
