There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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