I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
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