You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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