im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
