Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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