Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
