I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Randomize
