Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
