Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
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I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
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Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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