so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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