Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
