I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
