just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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