Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
