Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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