it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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