You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
