Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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