In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
