I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
