we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
