My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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