i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
