Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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