oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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