i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
