Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
