News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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