also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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