A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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