I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
