i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
