i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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