I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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