to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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