i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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