yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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