omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
