just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
