I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
