I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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