I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
