Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
