i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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