I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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