you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
