Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
