im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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