mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
