sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
