Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
