So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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