You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
