he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
